Week 1, Day 3 - Might Be Actually Liking This

Day three of week one waited until Saturday, Friday was just kind of a relax and "party" day, so I didn't get to it.  The run itself went great, I am feeling really good about the week 1.  The weather was warm and beautiful, and we went fairly early in the morning. 

Not only did my husband come out with me, but my kids did too.  They definitely did not get the whole "pacing yourself" part of things.  I had to push myself quite a bit to keep up with them in the beginning, and by the end, I thought I was dragging them along like this:



All in all though, it went really well.  I felt good, my pacing was a little off, but I made it through the entire set and finished well. 

And rewarded myself with a delicious breakfast burrito once I was finished.  I could get used to this. 

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 29:16
Distance: 1.74 miles
Max speed: 9.49 mph
Avg speed: 3.57 mph

Week 1, Day 2 - I haven't quit yet! Do I get a cookie?

Getting ready for the second day of this wasn't a really fun thing to do.  I was still a little sore from two days ago, and I kept thinking that maybe playing games on my phone would be a much better activity while I "recovered" from the first day of working out. 

Then the angry, impatient part of myself slapped me around a little bit.  She asked me if taking thirty minutes out of my day was worth it to not have a heart attack and die before I am 50.  I agreed that it sounded like a very reasonable trade-off and headed out. 

I definitely went much looser with my laces to give my feet some room to expand and that seems to have made all the difference in the world, no top-of-foot pain today.  I got it into my head that I want to do "barefoot" running, or as close as one can get.  I'm using Vibram Five-Fingers and they have been surprisingly fun (oh my gosh, they are comfortable, and kids everywhere seem to love them).  There are times I think I might need better arch support, so I am considering picking up a pair of "regular" shoes to use some of the time. 

The best part of week-one-day-two was that my husband came out running with me.  We both have some work to do on getting in shape, and it meant so much to me that he'd come out and join me.  I'm not even within a light-year of "marathon" shape, but I am starting to enjoy this and I'm already looking forward to day three of training either Friday or Saturday.  So far, so good!

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 29:11
Distance: 1.69 miles
Max speed: 6.8 mph
Avg speed: 3.60 mph

An Experiment in Commitment

After months years too long spending my time making excuses for my health and fitness rather than actually doing something about it, my desperation to no longer be in the same weight class as hippos and small airplanes has finally overtaken my lack of inertia to get my butt moving.  I started the Couch-to-5k running program this week.  I am going to get into some kind of manageable physical condition if it kills me, although I sincerely hope it doesn't.

After week-one-day-one, my first time running for any extended length of time since being on the track team in middle school, I was surprised at how quickly my lungs were able to rebound after each little burst of running.  I used to have a lot of respiration problems, and I would tire out my lungs (burning) a long time before my muscles would ever feel it. 

That is definitely not the case anymore.

I woke up Tuesday morning incredibly sore along my lower calves, with a little bit of a shin splint, and with some pain and tenderness along the top of my foot and ankle.  I definitely don't mind the calves or the shins, although they make me hobble a little bit, because I used to be a very fit person.  It's not super comfortable, but there is a part of me that loves the bite of lactic acid.  I know I worked, I know I moved, and I know I pushed my muscles to their limit.

The foot and ankle pain did bother me because I wasn't able to stretch it out over the course of the day and it felt like it was in the bones.  After a bit of google searching, I found out that any long-term or serious damage to that area is usually called extensor tendonitis, and can be caused by a number of different things.  Step one is going to be much looser lacing when I go on day two, and step two is being mindful of my feet to make sure I'm not keeping my toes pointed too high.

Right now I'm still excited for this to keep going.  Let's see how long I can stay committed. 

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 28:50
Distance: 1.82 miles
Max speed: 8.52 mph
Avg speed: 3.85 mph

Mid-life crisis. Yes, AGAIN. I wanted to be a trapeze artist

Most days, I feel like my life is characterized by one identity crisis after another. 

Since I was a teenager (I am being generous here, probably since I was old enough to ask questions) I have struggled with what I want to be when I "grow up".  I like lots of things.  In fact, I like everything on the surface when I am first introduced to it.  I've had career aspirations as wide and varied as "trapeze artist", "architect", and "classical studies expert". 

Unfortunately, in spite of the fact that I love everything on the surface, I also get incredibly bored unbelievably quickly with most of it.  I have started many a day, project, hobby, job with a feeling of thrill and excitement at something new.  I learn the new information, I gather the new tools, and within a short span of time, all I am feeling is the "oldness" of it all.  Trying to look for a way out, or something different to work on.  I'm not unsuccessful at the challenges I take on, but I feel like they are unsustainable over the long term 

I am some kind of change junkie, and I'm worried that it is going to be my downfall.  What am I doing with my life?  Why am I doing this?  The length of time that I have in between burn-out periods seems like it is getting shorter and shorter.  My ability to focus and stay motivated for any length of time is slowly melting away.



Like the weather in Colorado, it comes on strong with wind and snow, burying everything under a crisp white blanket.  Something new comes along and it seems like a powerful and majestic expression of everything I stand for, I can visualize how amazing it will be to be like this FOREVER.  Then within days (or sometimes even hours) it turns to slush, grey with magnesium chloride, turning stepping outside into a miserable exercise. 

Do you think it is possible for a person to not only not know what they like, what makes them happy, but also to never be able to find out?

What do you do with yourself when it seems like every day it a midlife crisis? 

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Things are a-changing around here, and I think it is for the better.  In the last year or so, my little family has done a lot of changing.  Two employers, a family "emergency" stituation and a personal health emergency. 

I've been with my current employer for four months now and here are some things I've noticed:

• I am treated like an adult.  I am trusted to show up and do my job without the (unjustified) fear that I am somehow scamming the company out of tremendous resources.  My department and my supervisor check in on me minimally, but they are able to do it without paranoia and suspiscion when they do.
• I am appreciated.  I am expected to work hard, and I do.  My team is elated at the things that I am accomplishing with them, and my supervisor is pleased with my progress and abilities.  I was actually told that she hoped she would be able to keep me for a long time, and that I am doing an "awesome" job.
• My new employer is MORE flexible and progressive than the last.  I am working through my health problems and doing my best to be available and productive for work.  I recognize that being new I don't have as many options available with regard to FMLA or my banked paid time off or even short-term disability.  After only four months, they are so willing to offer alternatives and work with me to stay on top of my health and recovery.  I am blown-away and grateful. 
• I am excited to come to work again.  I am being challenged and I am doing work that feels rewarding and interesting.  It may not be perfect, and there are still times in the day when I may wish I was doing something else, but I am overwhelmingly appreciative to be here and enjoying my time working here.  I am actually engaged for the first time in a long time.

Long story short, on the job front, this was a tremendous move. 

Nothing like a little bit of mortality in the morning...

I never expected to be a person with a "serious" medical problem.  I am accustomed to things improving on their own, and to being a healthy person and a quick healer.  The pulmonary embolism came as a total surprise, and I am still learning about it and trying to adjust.  I am not feeling even 80% with it today, but I am out of the hospital and back within finger-range of my keyboard.  So, I've now had a PE (blood clots in the lungs) and they are just hanging out for the next several months while my body tries to kick them out.

Starting last week around Wednesday evening (2/23/11) I noticed I really wasn't feeling well.  I was getting winded just by walking a few dozen feet, I got light headed running up the stairs in the house, and I had a lot of tightness and burning in my chest.  Being a typical Amber-person, I assumed I was just getting some weird kind of chest cold and went along with my life.  I figured I had stuff to do, that it would go away, and that I didn't need to worry about it.  Thursday and Friday were also not great days for me, the burning feeling was getting worse, and taking deep breaths caused a really sharp pain in my lungs.  Once again, I was "busy" and had too much stuff to do to worry about whether or not I was sick.

When I got up on Saturday morning, I had decided that the feeling was not improving, and that I really probably ought to see a doctor about it.  I skipped school, and Shane took me to the after-hours clinic to see a doc.  I described the chest pain, got put in a wheelchair and front-lined into a room to talk to the doc on call.  He took all the typical readings, and while I was complaining about lung stuff, my O2 saturation was outstanding.  My heart rate was racing high (near 120 bpm) and my blood pressure was up a lot also (something like 130 over 90).  After a nebulizer treatment that didn't do much, I went to get a chest xray and a D-Dimer blood panel run. 

I guess when you are having a clot or clotting your body produces D-Dimer, which is a protein by-product of your body trying to break down a clot.  When they measure for it, a measurement of 400 or more is considered high.  I guess my counts came back around 1200-ish.  So, the after-hours doc packed me up, called the ER to let them know I was coming, and told me "not to stop to feed the cats" or anything.

This was about 5 or 6pm Saturday evening (2/26/11) by this point, so we headed to the ER and I was again quickly wheel-chaired and rolled back to a room.  Just a word of advice, if you ever need to get into the ER quicker, chest pain will usually do it.  I guess they weren't impressed or convinced by the results that the Kaiser doctor had sent over, because they took the time to re-do all of the same tests and x-rays that I'd already been through, as well as adding a CAT scan.  And that is when they figured out what was going on.  Within 20 minutes of being wheeled away from the CAT scan they had printed and read the results and the ER doc was in telling me about my blood clots.  One fairly large one in the bottom of the left lung, and two smaller ones near the middle of each lung.

They put Heparin (a blood thinner) in my IV line, admitted me to the hospital proper for the next two days, and the rest is history.  (I had outstandingly wonderful and amazing nurses and doctors the whole time I was in, seriously, bless those people for what they do, they are amazing and underappreciated)

I am currently on blood thinners, and will remain so for a minimum of 6 months.  Apparantly they don't do anything to actually "bust" the clots up, that is a misnomer.  I'm doing self-injections of a Heparin-like drug for the next week, and this drug works right away to thin the blood and prevent future clotting, but it doesn't have good lasting power, so it has to be done twice daily.  In addition to that, I'm taking Warfarin(Coumadin) which has to accumulate a sort of therapeutic stock-pile in the body before it can be used alone.  Once those levels are stable, I can stop the injections.

I had a handful of things that could potentially be family risk factors, and despite the fact that I myself have been pretty darned healthy overall, when those risk factors combined with my taking the pill for birth control, I just turned into one of those neat, statistical anomolies that develops clots.  There is not really any one thing that caused it, but we are thinking that since I had just started the pill a month ago, that might be the factor that pushed it over the edge.

So what does this mean for me?  Well, I can't play rugby or roller derby for the foreseeable future, because I'm on blood thinners.  It means I am on a no "vigorous" exercise restriction for a month or so.  It also means I'm pretty definitely done with babies, which is not a decision I was 100% ready to make.  But with all of the possible risks associated with it going forward, it's probably better for everyone involved.  I could end up on these forever, or it could just be a one-time anomaly that was precipitated by the extra estrogen in the pill.  Family members, now that I've had clotting, I could unfortunately be a potential "family risk-factor" for you guys in clotting, depending on how close we are, so it may be something to keep in the back of your mind.


What else does it mean?  I guess not much.  There is not a ton medically that is done for this (beside the meds and the regular blood draws), but it doesn't really preclude things from going on mostly the way that they have before.  Outside of residual tenderness right now, and still getting winded pretty quickly, I am feeling a lot better.  I'm feeling like I can do some normal stuff and think I am actually surprisingly well.  My stamina is crap right now, but things mostly go on. 

And I guess that is the way it always is.  Life goes on and you go on with it. 

Journaling Always Sound Nice

At least on paper it does.

I think in my lifetime for every hour I have spent actually journaling, there are another 248.72 hours I have spent complaining about how I don't keep up with journaling, worrying about what to write, actually living my life, worrying that the life I'm living is too boring to journal, reading other people's journals, worrying that other people are reading my journaling and in general just wasting opportunities. 

If someone can write about their socks or what they cooked for dinner, then I think I'm not going to feel so bad about telling work stories or embarassing my children online.

Plus, does it ever hurt to practice writing?  Probably not.  Maybe I can find where I hid my vocabulary.  It seems to be missing...