Dirty Little Secrets

Can I share a secret?

I really don't think I'm a runner.

I don't think I like it.  I'm always wheezing and despite all of my work over the past year, my heart rate is a hot mess.  The Garmin tells me I spend the entire run in zone 4 and 5, I'm surprised my heart hasn't just popped directly out of my chest.

I don't like feeling "on the edge".  Like I could almost be fast, and good, and run, if only I could just breath a little more.  Like there is a switch somewhere that should be flipped and all of a sudden it wouldn't be so damned hard.

Then there's the loneliness of it all.  Doing this in the sticks without any friends or family nearby who go it with you is kind of a pain.  Knowing that the only thing keeping your feet moving is your own stubbornness and that the only reason you are still going is because you are too obstinate to stop before your scheduled time is up.

Other people really are runners.  They run for the joy of it.  Slow or fast, they are out there because they can't think of a better way to spend 30 or 60 or 240 minutes.  I can think of a million things I would rather do.

I'd rather bake a pie and eat half of it.
I'd rather go to the library and check out 2 or 3 books and get lost on the couch.
I'd rather veg out with my kids and play Nintendo games.
I'd rather nap.
I'd rather pet my dogs.
I'd rather get out the hammock and chill in the back yard.
I'd rather bike for 20 miles than run for two.

So why do I keep doing this?

Part of it is because I don't like giving up.  At least not because I can't do something.  I'll give up if I'm tired of an activity, or if something better comes along.  But don't tell me I can't do it.  Try a new cooking style?  Heck yeah.  Thirty mile bike ride?  Easy-peasy!  American Ninja Warrior?  Don't tell me I can't or I'll grind at it until I can tell you how wrong you are.

I have grit and I have tenacity and I have all of the drive and persistence to keep hammering away at something until I shape it and own it and make it mine.

On second thought, maybe I really am a runner after all.

Shake, shake, shake Señora

Time for a review!

As a member of the Zumba Instructor Network, I get to scope out new Zumba stuff before it gets out.  Zumba's latest offerings include meal replacement shakes.  Being that I've made these things a part of my life already (because I just can't get myself committed to a "real" breakfast on the weekdays, no matter how hard I try), I quickly ordered my samples* so that I could see how they stack up compared to other shake products I like.

The hype looked great: plant-based protein (vegan formula, in fact), fiber, probiotics, 100 calories per serving, no artificial sweeteners (uses stevia and monkfruit).

The cost is comparable with other shakes that are sold through programs (and cheaper if you use auto-ship/subscription and buy through an affiliate.)  At the lowest cost option (~$99/bag/month) and 30 servings in a bag, the cost per shake works out to $3.30.  I've split up my review into a section for each of the three flavors, and we can check them out together throughout the week.

(For consistency's sake, and to keep my evaluation as close to my existing shakes as possible, I mixed each of the packets with 8 oz of original, unsweetened almond milk and 8 oz of water.)

La Vida Mocha 4/12/16:


I tried this flavor first because I thought it was the flavor I was most likely to dislike.  I love coffee, but sometimes coffee-flavored foods are pretty gross.  I enjoyed this one.  The shake was sweet, without being overbearing, and you can taste both the chocolate flavors and the coffee flavors.  The taste was a little one-dimensional (I didn't get goosebumps or anything, although this is a "fitness shake"), but all of the pieces were there.

The texture made me really happy too.  I've had other brands of shakes where the powder is pretty grainy and leaves quite a bit of chunky/chewy material in the shake to get stuck to the bottom of your cup.  This powder was ground very fine and incorporated well with the almond milk and water to make a smooth product.

As far as curbing hunger/appetite, I got a good 4 hours out of the shake before I started to get hungry for lunch, which is comparable with other products on the market.  Overall, while I don't think the coffee flavor is an every-day flavor for me, I definitely enjoyed this shake, and thought it was as good or better in many ways than other shakes I have used in the past.

Thrilla in Vanilla 4/13/16:

After drinking the Vanilla on day two, my conclusion is that the flavors in these shakes are generally pretty mild.  If you crack one open expecting ice-cream-type vanilla flavor, you will probably be disappointed.  That said, the flavor is not bad (I enjoy it) and I think it would probably make a great base for adding in other flavors (raspberry please!)

Again today, the texture was surprisingly smooth for a protein shake.  I did not get the degree of grainy that I've had with other products.  Across the flavors so far, the shakes stand up as a meal replacement, my body has been feeling pretty full and satisfied having just the powder and some almond milk in the mornings.  If you wanted to dress these up with some additional fruit or veggie items, I think you would have even better success.  I'm currently just doing breakfast shakes, but I can see that with add-ins you could do a 2-shake-per-day with these and feel satisfied.




Cocoa Loco 4/14/16:

My final day of samples was the Cocoa Loco flavor.  I've got to say again, the flavors in the shakes are very mild/gentle.  I did not get a lot of chocolate out of this, in the way you would expect for chocolate milk.  I may have liked the mocha flavor better!  I think if you put a tablespoon of cocoa powder in to kick it up a little (about another 10-12 calories) you would have a more chocolaty experience.

The sweetness was right on point though, and I think I like the combo of stevia and monk fruit as a sweetener.  I had never heard of monk fruit before I found out about Zumba's shakes, so I enjoyed learning about another natural sweetening option.

The texture in this mix was about the same as the others, and the shake went down pretty smooth and easy.  If I were going to do the chocolate on a regular basis, I would definitely be relying on add-ins (banana, peanut butter, cocoa powder, peppermint extract) to pump the flavor up over the long term, but again, I did enjoy the shake overall.



Wrap Up:

I like the Zumba shake offerings.  There are things I really love about them, and things I think they could keep working on in the future.  I have not used them long-term like other products I am used to, so I can't speak to their long-term protein effectiveness (plant-based vs. whey) or to their long-term weight loss/control benefits, but as far as cost relative to other comparable products, taste, texture, and nutrition profile I think I am a fan.  Let me know what you think!


*DISCLAIMER: 
As a ZIN ™ member I received these samples free of charge.  Also, as a member of Zumba's affiliate program, if you utilize my affiliate code to get a discount when you order from Zumba, I receive a kick-back.  I was not solicited for this review, and the feedback and content of the reviews are my own.

Inking it up

Oh my goodness, you guys, it is easy to forget how incredible (and addictive) tattoos are when it has been 5 years since you last got one.  After sitting around and fiddling with the temptation and batting around ideas for years, I finally got the chance to start a new piece!

My sister introduced me to her awesome artist, the beautiful and talented Sam (aka Samazon) from Thick as Thieves Tattoo in Denver, CO.  Sam's style tends toward traditional and cartoon-y, with bright and bold colors and unbelievable line work.  She is crazy creative, and she took my original plan for something simple and small (to commemorate overcoming some of life's obstacles) and worked with me to turn the tattoo into a real expression of bad-assery!  I came in with some ideas for something because I wanted a piece that made me feel powerful and that really celebrated the work I have been doing in my life to overcome health challenges and to grow stronger, and I walked out with the beginnings of a masterpiece.  

My amazing sister was cool enough to set aside a whole day with me to hang out at the shop and get our respective work done, and Sam was a veritable rock-star through the entire process.  

This is my biggest piece to date, so there is no color yet, but once we get the lines filled in I think this is going to be my favorite tattoo ever.

My reasons - Keeping on, keeping on

This right here, this is one of the reasons I give a crap about anything.



And this.



This is very important.



I used to think that people were being cheesy and melodramatic.  "I need to be a good example for my kids", "I need to make sure I'm around for my kids when they grow up".

Really?  I couldn't imagine that my kids were so tune to what I was doing.  Until I had put on so much weight and I saw my oldest start to put on a lot of weight too.  Until I realized I spent more time in a chair than in the sun and I saw my kids doing the same.

Until the night just a week ago when I was tucking my littlest into bed and he looked up at me with his arms still around my neck and said "Mom, I'm so proud of you for working AND running and being healthy.  That is a lot of work."



And then it all kind of clicked in my head.  Of course, to some degree I am doing a lot of this for myself.  When I push hard and do all of the meal tracking and activity monitoring  I do it for myself.  I want to be healthier.  I'd love to be thinner.  I like that endorphin rush that comes after a grueling workout.  I'm crazy about my pants falling down for the first time in years.

But I love my family.  I love my kids, and my husband, and my friends and family like a ravenous and insatiable monster.  And I think I get it, I really do want to be there for them for a long time.  I want to build memories that hinge around exploring new environments and pushing ourselves to our limits to grow bigger and stronger rather than that funny thing from a TV show last night.  I want us to all look back at our time together and think about how full it was.



Full of growing.  Full of challenges.  Full of laughter.  Full of hard questions and full of looking for answers together.

And caring about your health is part of that.  You can't grow your mind or your spirit without cultivating your body.

I might be a crazy person

Hi, my name is Amber and I have a problem.

Any of you who have known me for a long time probably know that I have a terribly addictive personality and I am a junkie for learning new things and collecting hobbies.  I don't know at what point that turns from a fun quirk into a real problem, but I also don't know if I care anymore.

As a result of that quirk, I am now a licensed Zumba fitness instructor!

I get my "collecting" hobby from my mom, who happened to be collecting some new fitness DVDs one day and somehow through a fulfillment mistake, her order was doubled.  She had an extra copy of the original set of Zumba fitness DVDs and toning sticks, and of course I said I'd take them.


Very old school, how long did I hold on to these before I tried one out?

Then they sat in a box for at least five or six years.  It probably was more than that.  I didn't crack open the disks until November of 2015 when I finally realized that if I kept waiting for my schedule to allow me to attend group fitness classes, I would never be any further along in getting my "sweat" on than I was at that moment.

After I stumbled a little bit through the first DVD and learned all the moves I quickly became a convert.  Everything I had ever loved about dance classes, all of the energy and the passion in the music, the smiles on everyone's faces, all of this combined to get me hooked on this fitness trend irrevocably!

My children and husband lamented as I played the "Zumba Fitness Radio" station on Pandora endlessly and I'm sure other friends and family wondered what the hell was wrong with me when I would break into dance at random moments throughout the day.

More than anything, I feel like the energy, inclusiveness, and community of other Zumba addicts have helped put some pep back into my step every day.

Clearly the next step was to become an instructor.  That's what every one with a serious government job and two master's degrees does at this stage of their life, right?

Of course it is.  So I signed up to take an instructor's course and have been busy listening to music, breaking down choreography, and getting ready to take on another new adventure ever since.

Who wouldn't want to be a rock star like this?


(That's me in the very back, drenched in sweat with a stupid smile on my face.)

Turning point (watch your knees!)

Oh guys, ha, ha, ha, this blog is so funny!  You know, at one point in time I considered myself a writer.  I thought I would just write, and write, and write.  I look back at this blog and see that (and many more things) that I started and let slide over the years.  I make excuses for not writing, I make excuses for not spending time to be creative.  I made so many excuses for so many years about taking the time to be fit and healthy that it is almost a joke.  I gave some real thought to throwing away what I had written in this blog previously so that it wasn't so shameful, to give myself a "fresh start", but the reality is that it is a part of my journey and that keeping it reminds me of how far I have come.

Because one day something changed.  I can't really put my finger on why that time was different.

My mom convinced me to sign up with her for a group "fitness" challenge through the local rec center.  I walked into the room for our informational meeting hearing EVERYTHING that I had already heard before.

• Drink more water
• Be more active
• Watch what and how much you eat

Blah, blah, blah.  There should have been nothing different about that Saturday in November when I started the actual challenge.  It should have been just like every other time over the past ten years I'd gotten "serious" about my health.  

I would have held on for a few days.  Maybe even a few weeks.  I would have done everything "by the books" to the point of breaking and then decided that it was stupid.  I should have quit and gone on a chocolate and cookie dough binge with my husband on the couch and decided that I would just come back to it all later.

But I didn't.  Maybe it was the feeling of competition (even against myself.)  Maybe it was the fact that so many aspects of this plan were organized with specific, daily goals.  Maybe it was the fact that I have control issues and was able to create a spreadsheet to track data over time that pushed me over the edge.  Whatever the reason, I didn't quit this time.  

Not only did I keep on top of the challenge, it got easier.  And best of all, it worked.  

I walked into the challenge that day in November with really crappy results from my last physical.  I walked into the challenge at 229 lbs (officially the most I have ever weighed) with a BMI of 35.4 and a resting heart rate in the high 70's/low 80's.  I walked out 7 weeks later at 204 lbs (an 11% decrease in weight) with a smile and the belief that I could really do this.  I could take control of my life and my health and I could decide how I would feel each day.  

I've thought a lot about what it was that "clicked" for me this time around that hadn't all of the times before.  Frankly, I wish it were something I could distill down to a simple formula so that I could share it with everyone who has had struggles with their energy and their body.  I can say that it wasn't "easy".  It was work, and a lot of it.  Most days it is still work (and some days it is work that I don't really feel like doing) but it is paying off.  

Every time I go out for a "run" and can push it a little further without creeping back to a walk to catch my breath.

Every time I look at my arms in the mirror and see the muscle definition starting to peek out from under the blanket of chub it has been hiding under for years.

Every time one of my kids asks to go on a walk or do one of my exercise tapes with me, it is paying off.

And those little victories will keep me going this time.

Week 2, Day 1 - Movin' on up...

Today I started week two.  No kids this time, but my mom did join me.  I like running on my own, but there is something to be said for a little bit of company to get you motivated.  Since spring break is over and I'll be going back to classes this week, I wanted to try to get the week started on a good note for exercise before I got stuck in classes and excuses and ended up blowing things off.  I've got a little routine down for my "track" that I've been following, it's just about the right length and it's varied enough I am not sick of it yet.


View C25K - W2D1 - 03/25/2012 7:33 PM in a larger map

There was a decided increase in intensity on this run.  I didn't realize that going from 60 seconds to 90 seconds would make such a difference.  I could feel my muscles working much harder, and I got a little more winded on this trip.  I really pushed myself hard to get through the entire set though.  I made it to the end and felt exhausted so I streched a little bit and then sat down.

And that was the worst mistake I could have made.

Clearly, I need to work on my core strength and do some more low-impact activity before I can get serious about running, because I nearly crippled myself.  Once I sat down, my lower back (pelvis/tailbone/etc) completely locked up.  There was a good deal of inflamation and swelling, and I'm feeling like it was probably from the impact/pounding of getting all of my "mass" going on the sidwalk.  It is definitely NOT in my muscles, because no amount of gentle stretching or warm bath is helping.  I guess tonight is a night for a leftover Vicodin and a sick day tomorrow from work.

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 32:08
Distance: 1.94 miles
Max speed: 7.36 mph
Avg speed: 3.63 mph

Week 1, Day 3 - Might Be Actually Liking This

Day three of week one waited until Saturday, Friday was just kind of a relax and "party" day, so I didn't get to it.  The run itself went great, I am feeling really good about the week 1.  The weather was warm and beautiful, and we went fairly early in the morning. 

Not only did my husband come out with me, but my kids did too.  They definitely did not get the whole "pacing yourself" part of things.  I had to push myself quite a bit to keep up with them in the beginning, and by the end, I thought I was dragging them along like this:



All in all though, it went really well.  I felt good, my pacing was a little off, but I made it through the entire set and finished well. 

And rewarded myself with a delicious breakfast burrito once I was finished.  I could get used to this. 

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 29:16
Distance: 1.74 miles
Max speed: 9.49 mph
Avg speed: 3.57 mph

Week 1, Day 2 - I haven't quit yet! Do I get a cookie?

Getting ready for the second day of this wasn't a really fun thing to do.  I was still a little sore from two days ago, and I kept thinking that maybe playing games on my phone would be a much better activity while I "recovered" from the first day of working out. 

Then the angry, impatient part of myself slapped me around a little bit.  She asked me if taking thirty minutes out of my day was worth it to not have a heart attack and die before I am 50.  I agreed that it sounded like a very reasonable trade-off and headed out. 

I definitely went much looser with my laces to give my feet some room to expand and that seems to have made all the difference in the world, no top-of-foot pain today.  I got it into my head that I want to do "barefoot" running, or as close as one can get.  I'm using Vibram Five-Fingers and they have been surprisingly fun (oh my gosh, they are comfortable, and kids everywhere seem to love them).  There are times I think I might need better arch support, so I am considering picking up a pair of "regular" shoes to use some of the time. 

The best part of week-one-day-two was that my husband came out running with me.  We both have some work to do on getting in shape, and it meant so much to me that he'd come out and join me.  I'm not even within a light-year of "marathon" shape, but I am starting to enjoy this and I'm already looking forward to day three of training either Friday or Saturday.  So far, so good!

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 29:11
Distance: 1.69 miles
Max speed: 6.8 mph
Avg speed: 3.60 mph

An Experiment in Commitment

After months years too long spending my time making excuses for my health and fitness rather than actually doing something about it, my desperation to no longer be in the same weight class as hippos and small airplanes has finally overtaken my lack of inertia to get my butt moving.  I started the Couch-to-5k running program this week.  I am going to get into some kind of manageable physical condition if it kills me, although I sincerely hope it doesn't.

After week-one-day-one, my first time running for any extended length of time since being on the track team in middle school, I was surprised at how quickly my lungs were able to rebound after each little burst of running.  I used to have a lot of respiration problems, and I would tire out my lungs (burning) a long time before my muscles would ever feel it. 

That is definitely not the case anymore.

I woke up Tuesday morning incredibly sore along my lower calves, with a little bit of a shin splint, and with some pain and tenderness along the top of my foot and ankle.  I definitely don't mind the calves or the shins, although they make me hobble a little bit, because I used to be a very fit person.  It's not super comfortable, but there is a part of me that loves the bite of lactic acid.  I know I worked, I know I moved, and I know I pushed my muscles to their limit.

The foot and ankle pain did bother me because I wasn't able to stretch it out over the course of the day and it felt like it was in the bones.  After a bit of google searching, I found out that any long-term or serious damage to that area is usually called extensor tendonitis, and can be caused by a number of different things.  Step one is going to be much looser lacing when I go on day two, and step two is being mindful of my feet to make sure I'm not keeping my toes pointed too high.

Right now I'm still excited for this to keep going.  Let's see how long I can stay committed. 

As far as stats go (using MyTracks):
Time: 28:50
Distance: 1.82 miles
Max speed: 8.52 mph
Avg speed: 3.85 mph